who is restore•d

hi, i’m staci.

can i be real with you? i am somewhere in the middle.

as far back as i can remember, i’ve questioned if i was enough. those feelings of ‘not enoughness’ manifested largely as an overwhelming need to please others. it didn’t matter the venue. i just knew that if i were to ever be enough, i had to perform; to be perfect. unfortunately, i wasn’t mature enough to know that was an unattainable goal.

the insecurities stole my identity.

and the sweet little girl i saw in the mirror was not who she knew she needed to be. her body wasn’t even enough. i spent my entire life in a cycle of trying to change my body; to be smaller. always smaller.

finally, in 2019, i allowed for the grief over lost relationship to spiral into a diagnosed eating disorder. and while specialists suggested i seek in-patient treatment, i knew that my faith in God, my family and my brokenness would actually be exactly what i needed to begin the process of healing.

it’s been a long few years. i’ve had setbacks and i often ask the ‘why’ question. it’s hard to admit that but i believe in honesty. it wasn’t until i started seeing how some of the broken pieces were being re-built into something that actually felt true. like i was finally becoming who i was always supposed to be. i just hadn’t allowed for her to exist.

and that’s the process. there are numerous biblical passages pointing to the idea of being restored. you’ll notice the ‘•’. it’s because i wholeheartedly believe that until we no longer have breath in our lungs that we are somewhere in the middle. and i want to invite you along. wherever you are.

see, i do not have it all figured out; far from it. but what i do know is that i see the beauty in what God has given me as He essentially demolished what i once was. He gave me far greater empathy and compassion. He gave me a heart that longs to be a safe place for others. He gave me the desire to seek to live out restoration right here in the middle.

so, while i am here choosing to live in the in-between and not-quite-yet, i know that i don’t want to be alone. i crave community and connection. i long for others to feel seen and known; to believe that there is something sacred about pursuing the path of restoration together.

wherever you’ve been and wherever you are, i want you to know that God can take all of the broken pieces and and build something even more beautiful and whole. you can choose to live restore•d with me. you’re welcome here.